Sigh

I shouldn’t even HAVE to write about this. Honestly. It’s disgusting. Please people, for the love of holy things, tell me that you flush your toilet after dropping a deuce when you are at home. Yes? Then why the hell can’t you do the same when you crap in a public washroom? I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve flung open the door to a bathroom stall to be greeted by a bowl full of shite. Your shite. The toilet works too. I know, I flushed it with my foot from the doorway while holding my breath so I wouldn’t have to breathe in your fecal particles as the contents swirled themselves away into our wonderful, magical sewer system. If I can flush the toilet, YOU CAN FLUSH THE TOILET. There is no excuse for not doing so. If for some magical reason you find out after dropping your load off that the toilet doesn’t flush, then TELL SOMEONE. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. EVERYONE poops, and if no one says anything it’ll never get fixed, and that shite will stew and percolate until an innocent bystander happens upon it. That’s not cool.

Seriously

I honestly believe that in the middle of the night, little thugs break into our house while we sleep and randomly steal assorted pieces of Tupperware from our cupboards. NOTHING matches up. How is it we can have half a dozen bowls with no matching lids and a handful of random lids that don’t belong to ANYTHING? I don’t get it. A full set goes out with lunch; A matching bottom and lid, and a matching set comes back in the lunch bag. What the hell happens to them in my house? I have no other explanation other than someone breaks into the house to fuck with them.

For the love of Pete

My dear children and often my husband, if you love me as much as you proclaim, then show me by taking your underwear out of your freakin’ pants when you take them off. Also, take your pants off, so they are the right side out before you put them in the hamper. Know why it takes me weeks to do the all the laundry? It’s because I have to flip out every single pair of pants, shorts and pyjamas you three knuckleheads wear each week. That shit is exhausting. Also, if you don’t start un-balling your socks when you take them, I’m not going to buy you anymore. Same goes if you don’t stop leaving them in between the couch cushions.

What are some of the silly things you find yourself ranting about or even just shaking your head at?  Sometimes, you need to put it out there to commiserate and have a laugh with others about it.

Author

Swears a lot and sings poorly.

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